As you may be noticing, or may one day notice, it's winter time in "Canada". As days grow shorter, temperatures dip, and icicles loom menacingly, we are all faced with an overwhelming set of decisions:
1. Do I shovel, or do I wait, begrudgingly, for my landlord to do it? 2. Do I pretend to like the cold, or do I pretend to hate it? 3. How many times is it appropriate to bring-up my slow-cooker in a casual conversation? Here in "Toronto", I've found winters to be relatively harsh, making it a feat to remain thawed throughout, especially with these enormous questions over our heads. I find it truly amazing that, on top of keeping warm, weathered "Torontonians" can keep-up both the frequency and fervor of their empty TTC complaints, too (which is no small task!). You may be thinking "Hey, it sounds like these "Torontonians" have it figured out! or "Wow, these folks seem to have a functional relationship with winter, which needs no improvement!", and if so, this is where we disagree. In my mind, there is one glaring and unforgivable issue with the "Toronto" winter: snow removal. When snow falls in this city, what do we do? We push it around. Oh sure, we have a variety of scoops: hand-operated plastic scoops, combustion-engine-powered vehicles with height adjustable metal scoops haphazardly attached to the front, and even the occasional International HX Series (outfitted with Tenco one-way plows, rear-mount side-wing plows, and even combination bodies), but what can these scoops actually accomplish? Even though Toronto has "600 snow plows, 300 sidewalk plows, and 200 salt trucks ready to tackle the winter season", the word "tackle" stands out to me. Instead of actually dealing with the snow, they'll just push it around... indefinitely? I find the whole situation particularly shocking because the answer is so, so simple: grooming. Instead of plowing snow, we groom it. This may sound like a radical idea, but hear me out: With grooming, there is no pushing, no piling, and no salting. Instead, it's fresh, magical, and scintillating corduroy... every morning! Instead of pushing the snow away, we meet it, creating a snow-pack that both protects city infrastructure and helps us reduce carbon emissions to reach targets set by the 2016 Paris Agreement. Winter driving would instantly turn from a chore, to a delight, sidewalks would stay un-snowbanked, and your favorite pair of boots would keep from being eaten by road-salt... Plus, the experience of watching a snow-plow drive-by pales in comparison to seeing a Prinoth LEITWOLF X, or even a PistenBully 600. Now there would be some challenges, of course, namely: keeping your jaw from dropping in awe of how much better grooming is, managing the overwhelming joy of the entire city, and funding the extraordinary high costs associated with purchasing a fleet of brand-new snow groomers. These three points may seem daunting, and in reality, they ARE daunting. I believe, however, that the improvements to winter would be daunting, too! In conclusion: snow groomers > snow plows, fresh corduroy > salty slushy roads, Paris Agreement = good. If you have any thoughts, ideas, or questions, please direct them to John Tory (mayor of "Toronto"), Werner Amort (president of Prinoth), or contact me.
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